Hustle Harder is Sabotaging Your Business | Kelly Adams

Key Takeaways

• 1You can hustle your way to six figures, but that same energy won't get you to the next level. It requires calm leadership.
• 2When your business stalls, the problem is almost never your marketing or strategy. It’s usually a personal pattern playing out.
• 3Childhood experiences, like hiding money under a rug, can create patterns that cause you to self-sabotage success decades later.
• 4What looks like resilience or grit can actually be emotional numbness. A sign of this is being more comfortable with chaos than with calm.
• 5Your body remembers old pain. It can't tell the difference between a mean comment in middle school and a sales call, so it sends a danger signal.
• 6To break a pattern, you have to create a new path. It takes repetition, like walking a new trail in the woods until it's easy to follow.
• 7To grow your business, you might need to expand your personal capacity, not your marketing budget. Somatic and breath work can help with this.
• 8A good first step is to just start questioning everything. Ask yourself why you do things a certain way (like Kelly and the sweet potatoes).

Kelly Adams built a successful business, sold it, and then found herself on the floor in a fetal position. She was burned out and having an identity crisis. She realized that you can get pretty far on hustle and stress, but eventually, it stops working. That approach starts to cost more than it brings in.

Why do we always think it's a business problem?

When your business stops growing, what’s the first thing you blame? If you’re like most people, your mind goes straight to a business problem. You start thinking your marketing is broken, you need to hire a new ads person, or you have to rebuild your entire sales funnel from scratch. But what if the problem isn’t with your business at all?

Kelly Adams says that when women come to her stuck, they all think they have a business issue.

Business every single time. So it's always my marketing's not working. I need to rebrand. I need to rebuild my funnel. , Kelly

She explains that it’s almost never about the marketing. Instead, it’s usually a personal pattern that we just can't see because it's too close to us. These patterns often start when we're kids and follow us into our adult lives, showing up in the way we run our businesses. It’s hard to connect the dots because who thinks that something from elementary school is stopping them from making more money today?

Kelly told a story about a client she was talking to just the day before the show. This woman kept running away from success right when she was about to get it. She would self-sabotage. Kelly helped her trace this pattern back to her childhood. Her client suddenly remembered that when she was just eight years old, she used to hide money around her bedroom. She’d put it under rugs and lamps because she was afraid it would be taken away from her. That old fear of having things taken away was still running the show, making her feel unsafe with success even as a grown-up business owner.

It's so much easier to think we just need a new strategy or a better course. We think if we invest more money into the next "fix," everything will be okay. It feels more concrete than looking at our own old stories and habits. But these patterns are sneaky.

We get so comfortable because these patterns get so sophisticated that we can't see them because they're so close to you. , Kelly

Most of us aren’t walking around thinking, "The reason my sales are down is because I don’t feel safe being seen," or "I keep failing because of what Betsy said to me in middle school." It sounds strange, but our bodies remember these things even if our minds don't. We just repeat the same actions over and over, thinking they are business problems.

Kelly says people come to her with what look like business issues on the surface, such as:

• My marketing just isn't working anymore.
• No one is responding to my emails or posts.
• I think I need to do a complete rebrand.
• I have to find a new coach or buy a new course.

She just listens and then helps them see what’s really going on.

I can ask a couple quick questions and I can show them how a personal pattern is still playing out in business that they have identified as a business problem. , Kelly

So, the next time you feel stuck and want to blame your funnel, try pausing first. Get curious about the feeling. Ask yourself, "Where have I felt this before?" You might be surprised to find that the root of the problem isn't in your business plan, but in a story you've been telling yourself for a very long time.

Your biggest business problem might not have anything to do with your business at all.

How your childhood is running your business.

It sounds a little strange, but a lot of your business problems might not be about business at all. What if they started way back when you were a little kid? Kelly Adams says that our hidden habits and beliefs from childhood are secretly running the show in our companies today.

She often starts her calls with new clients by asking a simple question.

"So if I need, so typically the very first thing when I'm getting on a call, like I literally I'm like, tell me about elementary school." Kelly said

By going back to that time, you can start to see patterns you never noticed before. Kelly told a story about a client she was talking to just yesterday. They were trying to figure out why the woman kept running away from success in her business. She would get so close to a big win, and then something would happen and it would fall apart. It felt like a business problem, but the real reason was something that happened when she was eight years old.

The woman suddenly remembered that as a little girl, she used to hide money around her bedroom. She said she’d tuck it "under the rugs in my bedroom, under the lamps." Why? Because in her house, if she got money, it would often get taken away. So, to keep it safe, she hid it. Fast forward a few decades, and she was still "hiding" in her business. Every time she got too close to making a lot of money (which is a kind of success), her brain would signal danger because of that old memory. She would run away from the opportunity to keep herself "safe," without even knowing why.

"Who's walking around thinking about that? It's like the call forward or forced to think outside of the level of consciousness you're operating in. It's just not, it's just not like how we think." Kelly said

Our bodies are pretty amazing. They’re designed to keep us safe by avoiding pain. When we’re little, our brains aren't developed enough to totally understand why something hurts our feelings. We just know that it does.

"I always think I think of our bodies as a book of stories. And anything that we feel as little people elicits a pain response, the body remembers." Kelly said

So the body files that feeling away. Then, years later, when a similar feeling comes up, your body sounds the alarm. That fear you feel before a big sales call might feel new, but your body might be remembering the pain of being judged by "Betsy from middle school." Common patterns from childhood can look like this in your business:

• Feeling unsafe when you start to make more money.
• Fearing what other people will think or say.
• Automatically sabotaging your own success right before a big break.
• Assuming other people can't afford your prices.
• Struggling to be seen and heard in your marketing.

So what can you do about this? Start by getting curious. The next time you feel stuck or scared about a business decision, ask yourself a few questions. Where have I felt this way before? Is this feeling really about today, or does it feel like something from a long time ago? Just creating that little bit of space can be the first step.

The patterns that protected you as a kid could be the same ones holding you back as an adult.

Are you afraid of being seen?

Have you ever felt scared to show your work or speak up? As a business owner, you have to put yourself out there all the time. But for so many women, the fear of what other people will think is a huge roadblock. It can feel so big that it stops you from doing things you know you need to do.

Kelly Adams says this is one of the top two things that holds women back in business. It's not just a little nervousness. It's a deep-down fear that can feel very real in your body.

The amount of times I have declared judgment or the fear of being seen and heard from a woman are probably the top two. , Kelly

So, where does this feeling come from? Kelly explains that our bodies are like a "book of stories." Think way back. Maybe it was a mean comment from someone in middle school or a time you felt embarrassed as a kid. Kelly says our bodies remember the pain from those moments. We were too little to understand what was happening, so our brains just stored the feeling of pain. Now, as adults, our body’s main job is to keep us safe and away from anything that feels like that old pain.

This is where it gets tricky for your business. Your body can’t tell the difference between past danger and present-day tasks. Let's say you have to make a sales call. You might start feeling anxious or sick to your stomach. That's your body's alarm system going off. It remembers a time when feeling seen or judged caused you pain.

The body doesn't know if now you're speaking to your next sales call or if it's remembering the pain of something before, just a feeling feels familiar. And so when that feeling comes up, the body's alert, alert, you're in danger. , Kelly

When your body sounds this alarm, your brain starts spinning. You might not even realize it's happening. All you know is that you feel stuck, and a bunch of negative thoughts start popping up. Things like:

• What's wrong with me?
• Why is this working for everybody else but not me?
• Nobody wants to hear what I have to say.

Hearing this might actually be a relief. It’s not that something is wrong with you. It’s just your body trying to protect you based on old information. When you start to see where the feeling is coming from, you can finally give yourself a break. You don't have to feel crazy or like a failure. It gives you permission to remember who you were before the world put all these stories on you.

I always say no one holds up a brand new baby and is like, you are not worthy. , Kelly

The first step is just to create awareness around these feelings. When you get that tight feeling in your chest before posting on social media, just notice it. Ask yourself, "Where have I felt this before?" Just understanding that it's an old feeling can take away some of its control over you. It's like healing an old bruise instead of letting it get poked all the time.

Your body might be remembering old pain, but that doesn't mean you're actually in danger today.

The difference between resilience and numbness

We all hear about "grit." People say you have to be tough and push through hard times to succeed. But what if that so-called grit is just burnout with a different name? Sometimes, what we think is strength is actually just us being numb to how tired we really are.

Kelly Adams talked about this with Desi. She says that working hard all the time has become something to brag about, but it has a dark side. It can look like you're being resilient, but you might just be running on empty.

I think grit and hustle has become a badge of honor. Kelly said

When you're stuck in this cycle, your first thought is to work even harder. You stay on your computer all day and night. You think you're being a good business owner, but really, you're just grinding yourself down. Kelly explained that this leads to heavy feelings and heavy actions. It doesn't feel good to work 24/7, especially when you feel stuck.

The weird part is that for many high-achieving people, this chaos starts to feel normal. It can even feel more comfortable than being calm.

...you're more comfortable with chaos than you are calm. Kelly said

Think about it. If you're used to running around putting out fires, what happens when there are no fires? It can feel strange and even scary. Kelly says that for people stuck in this pattern, a sense of calm can feel wrong. It brings up a lot of worries.

For someone used to chaos, calm can feel like:

• You're being lazy or boring.
• You're falling behind everyone else.
• Something must be wrong because things are too quiet.
• You're not working hard enough to deserve success.

This is why it's so hard to break the habit. Your brain tells you that being busy means you're being productive. But really, you're just wearing yourself out. Your body is hitting its limit. The "resilience" is just a disguise for what's really happening underneath.

I think like resilience and grit and hustle is just gets disguised in the body until your body hits a breaking point. Kelly said

So what can you do? The first step is just to notice it. Recognize that feeling of needing to be busy all the time. Kelly calls it a "complete rewiring" of how you think about your business. It's about teaching yourself that calm is safe. It's not a sign that you're failing. It's a sign that you're in control. Slowing down isn't giving up; it's giving yourself the space to lead well instead of just reacting to chaos.

Feeling productive and being burnt out can look the same from the outside, but your body knows the difference.

Why is slowing down so hard?

Does the thought of slowing down make your skin crawl? For a lot of ambitious people, the idea of having less to do sounds terrible. We're taught that being busy is good, so being calm must be bad, right? It can feel lazy, unproductive, or even scary.

If you feel that way, you're not alone. And there’s a good reason for it. When you finally stop moving, all the stuff you’ve been avoiding has a chance to catch up with you. Kelly Adams shared that she used to be the exact same way. She was so lost that stillness felt impossible.

I couldn't even sit still for one minute because slowing down means all the stories come up, and then you have to think through all the stuff you don't want to think through. Kelly said

What are these "stories" that come up? They’re the old thoughts and feelings we’ve packed away. Kelly thinks of our bodies like a book filled with stories from our past. When something painful happens, especially when we’re little, our body remembers that pain. Its main job becomes protecting us from feeling that way again. So, when you slow down and one of those old feelings bubbles up, your body sounds the alarm. It feels danger, even if you’re perfectly safe. This is why you might get anxious when you’re just trying to relax. When you feel stuck and aren't sure why, your brain starts feeding you some pretty mean lines.

What's wrong with me? Why is it working for somebody else? No one wants to hear what I have to say. Kelly said

Thoughts like these are exactly why we try to stay so busy. After a while, the stress of constant work feels more normal than being calm. Kelly points out that for many high-achievers, chaos actually feels more comfortable than peace. That sounds backward, but it's true. If your brain connects "grinding" with "safety," then being calm feels wrong. For someone used to the non-stop hustle, a quiet moment can feel:

• Boring
• Like you're falling behind
• Like something bad is about to happen
• Completely unsafe

...you're more comfortable with chaos than you are calm... If you're not grinding, it doesn't feel safe. And so calm is boring, calm is you're falling behind, calm is something's wrong. Kelly said

So what can you do about it? If slowing down feels this hard, you don’t have to jump into an hour of meditation. Kelly suggests starting with a tiny baby step: breath work. Just focus on your breathing. You don’t have to be good at it. When your mind wanders and brings up all its worries, just bring your focus back to your breath. It's a simple way to practice being instead of doing. As Kelly says, you can’t really breathe deeply and think about your problems at the same time. This little practice starts to retrain your body that it’s okay to be still. It shows your nervous system that calm is not a threat. It’s just calm.

Slowing down is hard because it makes you face the old stories you’ve been running from.

What's the hidden revenue ceiling?

Have you ever felt like you've hit a wall with your money? You're doing all the right things in your business, but your income just won't budge. Most of us think the reason is a business problem. We think we need better marketing, a new sales plan, or a fancier website. But Kelly says there’s a hidden reason we get stuck, and it has nothing to do with strategy.

It's an invisible limit on how much money and success we can actually handle. The craziest part is that even Kelly, who helps other women with this exact thing, got caught in this trap herself. It turned into a very expensive lesson for her.

She told a story about a time she was trying to grow her own business. She felt stuck and was sure the problem was her marketing. It just wasn't working, she thought. So she did what many of us would do. She hired experts.

I kept hiring these marketing coaches when I wanted to go to the next level. And then finally, somebody got on the call. They're like, you don't have a marketing problem. And I was like, oh my gosh, then it's me. Kelly said

Imagine hearing that. After spending about $30,000 trying to fix her marketing, a coach finally told her the truth. The problem wasn't the marketing plan. The problem was Kelly.

This is the hidden ceiling in action. We see a problem on the outside, like slow sales, and we try to fix it with an outside solution, like hiring a marketing coach. But the real issue is inside. Kelly had to face the fact that she was the one holding herself back. She was playing small, and her business couldn't grow until she did.

And so I had to sit in it and realize what parts of me still needed to grow, what parts of me needed, what identities needed to let go and do the work to step into that version of where I was going. Kelly said

She had to make more room inside herself for the bigger success she wanted. It’s like trying to pour a gallon of water into a tiny cup. The cup will just overflow. Kelly had to become a bigger cup. And when she did the work to grow herself, something amazing happened.

The minute I did that, I signed two high-ticket private clients in a 24-hour window just by going back to being me and knowing what I know. Kelly said

That's not a coincidence. When she expanded her own ability to handle success, success showed up. So how can you tell if you're bumping up against a business problem or your own hidden ceiling? Look for these kinds of patterns:

• You keep hiring new coaches or buying new courses, but you still feel stuck.
• You feel like you're blaming things you can't control, like the social media algorithm.
• You know what you need to do to grow, but you find yourself avoiding it.
• Things start going really well, and then you do something to mess it up.

If any of that sounds familiar, it might be a sign to look inward. Instead of asking "What's wrong with my business?" try asking a new question: "What in me needs to grow so my business can grow too?"

Your income can only grow to the level that you've grown yourself.

How do you actually expand your capacity?

It's one thing to hear that your business isn't stuck because of your marketing. It's another thing to know what to do about it. If you don't need a better strategy, what do you need? Kelly Adams says the answer isn't in your head. It’s in your body.

Kelly explained that you can't just think your way out of these deep patterns. You have to feel your way out. The work she does with clients is called somatic work. That’s just a fancy way of saying it has to do with the body. She thinks of our bodies as containers. Old stories and feelings can get stuck inside, like rocks taking up space.

I think of our bodies as an energetic wealth container. Kelly said

To help clients clear out those "rocks," Kelly created her own custom process. It’s a mix of different techniques that help you release things you’re holding onto, even if you don't consciously know what they are. She takes people through a five-step process that feels like a "release for your soul."

Her method includes:

• Hypnotherapy
• Breath work
• A somatic deepening script
• Visualization
• Shadow work

The goal is to help you process things your body is holding onto without having to talk yourself in circles. Kelly says the body moves, and then the mind follows. If you only work on your mindset, you might feel a little better. But if you work on your mind and your body together, you can make a huge shift. You can't outthink these feelings. You have to let them move through you.

So, what can you do right now if this sounds like you? Kelly gives a very simple starting point. If you’re not sure where to begin, just breathe.

You cannot breathe and think of your BS at the same time. Kelly said

She suggests just starting with breath work. It’s a small first step. Your mind will probably go wild with thoughts, but your only job is to keep bringing your focus back to your breath. The goal is simply to be for a little while instead of constantly doing. Most of us didn't learn how to handle our feelings when we were little. We were told to stop crying or look pretty. So we learned to rush through emotions instead of actually processing them.

This is why Kelly says you need to work with your body. You have one nervous system that runs the whole show for business, family, and everything else. When you calm that one central system, everything in your life starts to feel calmer, too.

You can't clear out old stories if you can't see them, and somatic work helps you feel them in your body.

It takes repetition to break a pattern.

So, how do you actually break an old habit that's hurting your business? It’s not a one-time fix. When Desi asked Kelly what it takes to break a pattern, Kelly’s answer was simple. It takes doing the new thing over and over again.

She used a really good example to explain it. Imagine you like to hike in the woods. You can easily follow a path because lots of people have walked on it before you. It's beaten down and clear. Your brain works the same way. It follows old, familiar paths of thinking because it's easy.

It's repetition. , Kelly

Kelly explained that if you want to start a new path in the woods, it’s going to be hard at first. It isn't padded down. You have to push through branches and watch your step. Creating a new habit or belief is just like that. You have to create a new path in your brain, and your brain will fight you on it at first.

So your mind is following that path it's gonna go to the old programming automatically over and over. It's the path of least resistance it knows what's to do. , Kelly

Your brain wants to take the easy route it already knows, even if that route leads to you feeling stuck. To change directions, you have to consciously choose the new path again and again. Kelly calls this a "pattern interrupt." You have to catch yourself right when you're about to go down the old, worn-out trail. Then, you have to force yourself to take the first step onto the new one. It will feel weird and uncomfortable. But that's how you start to wear down a new trail.

Here’s how Kelly breaks down the process of creating that new path:

• First, you have to catch the old thought or behavior happening.
• Next, you have to choose to think or do something different on purpose.
• You will probably feel resistance, but you have to do it anyway.
• Then, you just keep doing it.

You won't be perfect. Kelly was quick to point out that you might go backward sometimes, and that's okay. At first, you might take two steps forward on your new path and then find yourself one step back on the old one. But you just have to catch it and get back on the new trail.

you might spiral it's like maybe taking at first two steps forward one steps back then it's two steps forward a half a step back. , Kelly

The more you do this, the shorter those trips back to the old way will be. Soon, the new path will start to feel more familiar. And eventually, it becomes the new automatic choice. It just takes time and a lot of walking.

You have to repeat a new action over and over to make it your new automatic habit.

What does life look like on the other side?

So what happens after you do all this hard work? What does life actually feel like when you've faced those old stories from when you were a kid and finally cleared them out? Kelly has a really funny, and maybe a little strange, way of explaining it.

She told Desi that at the end of the process, her clients are like a "naked raw baby chicken." It sounds pretty weird, but when she explains it, it makes total sense.

Okay so I'll tell you like what I say and then I'm gonna tell you how it feels I always say when you work with me at the end of your time you're like a naked raw baby chicken. Kelly said

She even confessed that she once wanted to send her clients actual chickens in the mail to celebrate. Her husband had to tell her that probably wasn't a great idea! But the picture it creates is perfect. Imagine peeling away all the old layers of stories and beliefs that have been weighing you down for years. That fear that you're not good enough? Gone. That feeling that you have to work 24/7 to be worthy? Gone. You're left with just you, in your raw, real state.

When you get to this point, you remember who you were before the world told you who to be. You're not putting your trust in things outside of yourself anymore, like how much money you made this month or how many likes you got on a post. You trust yourself. Kelly says this is when a woman becomes truly unstoppable. You know you can handle whatever life decides to throw at you.

...you're in your full power you're in a fuck yes life you're in a I don't it doesn't matter what I'm gonna go through because I know who I am and you might be down but you're not out. Kelly said

This doesn't mean life suddenly becomes a walk in the park. Problems will still pop up in your business and your relationships. That's just part of being human. But the big difference is how you deal with them. As Kelly says, you have the tools to handle it when "life lifes." You might get knocked down for a minute, but you won't get knocked out for good.

This new way of being shows up everywhere. When you feel this solid inside yourself, you can:

• Face challenges without spiraling for days.
• Trust your own decisions in your business.
• Stop looking for validation from other people.
• Know that a bad month doesn't mean you're a failure.

You start running your life from a whole new place. You’re calmer and more centered. Kelly explained that you start operating from a totally different internal system.

Now you're operating up from a different system different level you're in the game still you're in the game baby in the game Kelly said

You're not on the sidelines anymore, worried sick about every little thing. You're in the game, ready to play, because you know you can handle whatever comes next. This is where real growth happens. It's not about avoiding problems. It’s about being so sure of yourself that you know you’re strong enough to deal with them. You can take bigger, smarter risks because the fear of falling down doesn't control you anymore.

Knowing you can handle anything is what really lets you build a bigger business.

Where do you even start?

Okay, all this talk about old patterns and nervous systems can feel like a lot. You might be thinking, "This is huge. Where do I even begin?" The good news is the first step is actually pretty small. You just need to start asking some questions.

Kelly shared a funny story that shows exactly what this looks like. It’s about sweet potatoes. She was just a little kid at Thanksgiving, and her cousin looked at the sweet potatoes and said they were gross. Without even thinking, Kelly just decided they were gross, too. She spent years avoiding them.

I had lived in a story of something somebody else had to said without questioning it and didn't eat sweet potatoes for 25 years. That's insane. , Kelly

For more than two decades, she wouldn't touch them. Then, only a few years ago, she saw some sweet potato fries that looked really good. She took a chance and tried one. And what do you know? She loved them. All those years, she had missed out on something she actually liked because of one little comment from her cousin.

This sounds like a silly food story, but it’s a perfect picture of what we do in our businesses. We operate on old beliefs and automatic thoughts we’ve never stopped to look at. We follow rules we heard a long time ago. We believe things about our work, our money, or our clients that might not even be true anymore. We just keep doing things the way we've always done them, even when we feel stuck.

The first step out of that loop is to get curious. Kelly says you have to start questioning everything, not in a harsh way, but in a gentle, curious way.

I think beginning to question everything... why am I doing this? Why am I doing it this way? Why am I thinking this thought where did this come from is that mine? , Kelly

So, the next time you feel that familiar wall go up, stop. Instead of trying to hustle your way through it, just pause and ask a few simple questions. You don't have to find the answer right away. Just be curious.

• Why do I believe this is a problem?
• Where have I felt this exact same way before?
• What does this feeling remind me of?
• What am I noticing in my body right now?

The goal isn't to fix everything in one afternoon. The goal is to start paying attention. You're just trying to see what's really there, underneath the surface. You have to be able to see a pattern before you can change it.

I think you have to create awareness because again I think you can't clear what you can't see. , Kelly

Starting to ask "why" is how you begin to separate your own truth from the old stories you picked up along the way, just like that story about the sweet potatoes. It's how you start finding a new path forward, one that you choose for yourself.

The first step to changing your business is to get curious about the stories you tell yourself.

Listen to the full conversation

That was a lot to think about, right? Sometimes the thing we think is the problem isn't the real problem at all. If you want to hear more from Kelly and how she helps women get out of their own way, you can listen to the whole conversation by clicking the player on this page. You can find Kelly Adams on Instagram and LinkedIn to learn more about her work.