She Ran a $40M Business — Then Realized She Was Codependent | Rhonda Petit

Key Takeaways

• 1High-achieving women often have two identities: a fear-driven performer ('Ronnie Rescue') and a purpose-driven connector ('Sammy Sovereign').
• 2What looks like caring for others can actually be enabling. It robs them of their responsibility and you of your peace.
• 3We often ignore warning signs in our lives, like a damaged tire on a car. We keep driving until a total blowout happens.
• 4It took Rhonda until age 40 to realize she was an adult who didn't need anyone's approval to make major life changes.
• 5When you try to change, you'll hit a 'terror barrier'. It's an uncomfortable pull to go back to what's familiar. Pushing through is the work.
• 6Enabling is taking on tasks for others. Empowering is believing they are smart enough to figure it out themselves.
• 7In business, a lack of psychological safety creates fear. Fearful employees are disengaged and only do the bare minimum.

Rhonda Petit was driving home when her husband looked at her car like he’d stumbled on a crime scene. "What were you doing? Victory burnouts?" he asked. The tires were completely bald, with wires coming out. Rhonda had been ignoring the warning signs, not just in her car, but in her entire life.

What did being a 'superhero' really feel like?

Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "Wow, they have it all together"? That's what people thought about Rhonda Petit. She was running a business that made $40 million. She was raising two kids. She even showed up to school events with homemade cupcakes. From the outside, everything looked perfect. But on the inside, it was a totally different story.

Rhonda told our host, Desi, that this "perfect" life was actually breaking her down.

On the inside, I was losing myself. Rhonda

Her story of becoming a "superhero" started about seven years before she hit her breaking point. She was pregnant with her first son, and her husband came home with big news. He had quit his job. That was the moment fear took over. Instead of talking about how scared she was, Rhonda decided she just had to handle it. She put on a cape and became "super wife and superhero." It was up to her to bring home the money and keep everything running smoothly.

But being a superhero wasn't fun. It was exhausting. Soon, she felt more like a machine than a person. She told Desi that all her hard work didn't even make her feel loved or seen.

I felt like an ATM. I didn't, I felt very un unseen, unheard, unloved, unworthy, even though I was performing because I always had to perform, right? Rhonda

This feeling of just performing, day in and day out, became her new normal. Her whole life felt like a list of things she had to do, not things she wanted to do.

What did this look like in real life?

• Taking on a high-pressure job in a big company.
• Becoming the main person earning money for the family.
• Traveling for work while raising two young children.
• Feeling like she had to do everything perfectly, right down to the cupcakes.
• Pushing down her own wants and needs to take care of everyone else.

Rhonda later learned there was a name for this pattern: codependence. It wasn't about being strong. It was about being driven by fear. For years, she thought she was just being a good wife and mom. But she was really trying to control everything because she was afraid of what would happen if she didn't. Rhonda said her life felt like it was just one big task.

It was always it was duty and obligation. That's what it was. Rhonda

You can start to see this in your own life by asking a simple question. When you're working hard on something, are you running away from a fear, or are you running toward something you love? Take a minute to think about it. The answer might surprise you.

Sometimes what looks like strength is really just fear wearing a costume.

What is codependence, really?

Sometimes, a word can sound big and complicated. You might hear it and think, "That's not me." But then you listen a little closer and realize it’s just a name for a feeling you’ve had for a long time. For Rhonda Petit, that word was "codependence."

She didn’t hear it in a mean way. She heard it in a marriage counselor's office, and it was like someone finally put a label on the invisible hamster wheel she'd been running on for years. At the time, Rhonda was running a successful $40 million business. She was raising two kids and was the mom who still brought homemade cupcakes to school. To everyone else, she looked like she had it all together. But on the inside, she felt like she was disappearing.

Her problems started years earlier. She was pregnant with her first son when her husband at the time told her he had quit his job. So, Rhonda stepped up. She became, in her words, "super wife and superhero," trying to do everything for everyone. It was this habit of doing too much that eventually led to a breaking point. When the host, Desi, asked Rhonda how she felt hearing the word codependence for the first time, Rhonda explained that it wasn't an accusation.

I guess it was a relief in the sense that there was a word to describe what was going on. Rhonda said

So what exactly is this pattern? We often think we're just being helpful or caring. But Rhonda explains there’s a big difference between truly helping someone and enabling them. Enabling is when you do things for people that they could and should be doing for themselves. You think you're helping, but you're actually getting in their way and hurting yourself.

You actually are become an enabler when you start taking responsibility for things that people should be doing themselves. You rob them. You rob them. Hear this you rob them of their self-esteem and their responsibility to do what they need to do for themselves. Rhonda said

It's easy to fall into this trap, especially if you're a leader or a parent. You want things to get done, and you might think you do them best. But taking over all the time creates a pattern where you feel exhausted and the other person never learns to stand on their own two feet. This can look like:

• Constantly picking up the slack for a coworker or partner.
• Making decisions for others because you think you know best.
• Feeling angry that you do everything, but also feeling like you have to do everything.
• Fixing other people's problems before they even ask for help.

The way out of this pattern isn't to stop caring. It's to start empowering. Instead of jumping in to save the day, you can take a step back. You can trust that the other person is capable.

Empowering is looking at someone and saying, You're smart, you can figure it out. Hey, you know, this is where my autonomy ends, and this is where yours begins, and that's your responsibility. Rhonda said

It might feel strange at first. The other person might even be confused. But giving people the space to handle their own business is how they grow. And it’s how you get your own time and energy back.

Helping someone so much that they don't learn to help themselves isn't kindness, it's a pattern that holds both of you back.

Are you a 'Ronnie Rescue' or a 'Sammy Sovereign'?

Have you ever felt like you're just running on a hamster wheel, doing everything for everyone else? It's easy to get caught up in performing and trying to be perfect. Rhonda Petit says this feeling often comes from fear, and she created two characters to help us see it more clearly.

When Desi asked about these characters, Rhonda explained that we all have two sides we can operate from. She calls the fear-driven side 'Ronnie Rescue' and the purpose-driven side 'Sammy Sovereign'.

Rhonda says Ronnie Rescue is the part of us that’s always trying to fix things and please everyone. This side of us is constantly busy and always worried about what other people are thinking.

Ronnie Rescue is worried about what everybody else thinks. , Rhonda

Ronnie performs for approval from others, not from a sense of their own worth. This person avoids conflict and just keeps going, even when things feel wrong, because they think stopping means failure. They take on everyone else's problems, thinking they are helping. But really, it’s about control and the fear of not being good enough.

On the other hand, there’s 'Sammy Sovereign'. Sammy is completely different. This is the part of you that is centered and calm. Sammy knows it's okay to rest and doesn't need applause from others to feel worthy.

Sammy Sovereign sees I need to take a rest, regular rest and relaxation so that I can go faster, that I can be more clear and operate from honesty instead of avoidance, right? , Rhonda

Sammy leads from a place of honesty. Instead of rescuing everyone, Sammy trusts people to handle their own stuff. This isn't about being cold; it's about respecting yourself and others enough to let them be responsible for themselves.

So, what are the big differences?

• Ronnie Rescue worries about what everyone thinks. Sammy Sovereign is good with their own approval.
• Ronnie Rescue avoids conflict and difficult conversations. Sammy Sovereign is honest and direct.
• Ronnie Rescue is driven by fear of not being enough. Sammy Sovereign is driven by purpose and love.
• Ronnie Rescue needs to control everything. Sammy Sovereign trusts the process and other people.

It’s easy to see how we can get stuck in "Ronnie Rescue" mode. We think we are just being good partners, parents, or leaders. But we end up tired and feeling unseen. The switch to "Sammy Sovereign" happens when you decide your own peace is more important than praise from other people.

So how can you tell which mode you're in? Rhonda suggests asking yourself a simple question. Take a quiet moment and just ask:

Am I running away from something right now? Or am I running towards something I love that that is got me totally inspired and it's aligned with my purpose and values? , Rhonda

Your answer can show you whether you're living like a Ronnie or a Sammy. It's not about being perfect, but about noticing which character is running the show in your life.

You can choose to be a centered 'Sammy' instead of a frantic 'Ronnie' by checking if you're running from fear or toward purpose.

You might think you're caring, but you're actually enabling.

Have you ever tried to help someone so much that you ended up just doing everything for them? It's a tricky spot to be in. You think you're being kind and supportive, but you might be doing the opposite. Rhonda Petit learned this the hard way, and she calls this pattern "enabling."

Rhonda’s story started years ago when she was pregnant with her first child. Her husband at the time came home and told her he had quit his job. He wanted to start a video business, but it never really took off. As his work went down, Rhonda's went up. She felt she had to keep everything going for her family. She became a "super wife," working a big job and taking care of everything at home. She thought she was doing the right thing. But she was really just an enabler, taking on more and more responsibility while he took on less and less.

This is a classic example of codependency, and it often starts with good intentions. You want to care for someone you love. But where's the line between caring and controlling? Rhonda explains that it's all about who is taking responsibility. She says her desire to help was really a form of enabling.

The difference, the intent is care. And so you think because you're doing your codependence, because you're caring, you're helping someone. Rhonda said

When you do things for people that they should be doing for themselves, you're not actually helping them. In fact, you're hurting them. Rhonda is very clear about this.

You rob them. You rob them. Hear this you rob them of their self-esteem and their responsibility to do what they need to do for themselves. Rhonda said

Think about that. By trying to "rescue" someone, you take away their chance to learn and grow. You take away their chance to build their own confidence. When Rhonda took over, she says, "the more he didn't have to work." Her actions kept her husband from having to figure things out on his own. It wasn't until after their marriage ended that he became more self-sufficient and learned to take care of himself.

So how do you know if you've crossed from caring into enabling? It can look like a lot of different things.

• You take on tasks for someone because it's "faster" or "easier" if you just do it yourself.
• You make excuses for their choices or clean up their messes.
• You feel drained and resentful, but you keep "helping" anyway.
• You protect them from the consequences of their own actions.

So what's the alternative? Instead of enabling, Rhonda talks about trusting people to handle their own business. It's about letting go of the need to control the outcome.

Empowering is looking at someone and saying, You're smart, you can figure it out. Rhonda said

This doesn't mean you stop caring. It just means you care in a different way. You show them you believe in them. You draw a line and say, "This is your responsibility, and I know you can do it." It might feel hard at first. The other person might be confused or even upset. But in the long run, you're giving them a real gift. You're giving them the space to step up and become capable on their own.

True help isn't doing things for people; it's believing they can do it for themselves.

The day she decided she didn't care what anyone thought.

Sometimes we spend a lot of time trying to make other people happy. For many of us, this starts with our parents. It can take years, or even decades, to realize we don't have to live our lives just to get their approval. For Rhonda Petit, that realization didn't come until she was 40 years old.

By that point, she was running a big business and raising a family, but she was also stuck in a life that wasn't working. After years of feeling unseen and unheard, she knew she had to make a huge change. She decided to leave her marriage, quit her high-pressure job, and totally change her life. She knew this would be hard, and she knew people would judge her. But for the first time, she was ready to face it.

One of the biggest hurdles was telling her parents. She'd been raised in a traditional Catholic family where you were taught that "you marry someone, you made your bed." Getting a divorce wasn't just a personal choice; it felt like a public failure. But Rhonda had reached her limit. She described the exact moment she broke free.

And I'll remember the day when I did blow it up, calling my mother, you know, telling my dad, put mom on the phone. I said, Mom, I don't give a crap what you say. I'm getting divorced. Rhonda

That was it. With that one phone call, she took her life back. It was a huge moment for her. She said it took her until she was 40 to feel like an adult who didn't need to please her mom and dad all the time. After a lifetime of trying to do the right thing and be the perfect daughter, wife, and mother, she finally let go.

It took me till 40 to realize that I was an adult who didn't have to please mom and dad and do everything to their specifications for my life. Rhonda

This wasn't just about her parents. It was a turning point for how she saw herself in the world. She realized that trying to get approval from everyone was exactly what had led her to feel so trapped. That day, she stopped caring.

For me, that 40 moment was the day that I didn't give a crap about what anybody else thought. Rhonda

It’s easy to get caught up in living for other people. Maybe you can relate. If you ever feel like you're performing for someone else's approval, it can be helpful to stop and ask yourself a few questions.

• Am I doing this because I really want to?
• Or am I doing this because I feel like I "should"?
• Whose opinion am I worried about right now?
• What would I do if I didn't care what they thought?

Taking a moment to think about these things can be the first step towards getting your own freedom. You don't have to blow up your entire life, but you can start making small choices that are just for you.

Real freedom begins the moment you stop living for someone else's approval.

How does a 'rescuer' manager affect their team?

It’s easy to think that a good boss is one who swoops in to save the day. You know, the manager who can fix any problem and has all the answers. But what if that "helpful" manager is actually doing more harm than good? Rhonda Petit calls this a "Ronnie Rescue" pattern, and it can really hurt a team.

Rhonda explains that when you’re always saving people, you’re not helping them grow. You’re just enabling them. You're actually taking something important away from them.

You actually are become an enabler when you start taking responsibility for things that people should be doing themselves. You rob them. Rhonda said

When a leader is always rescuing, the team doesn't learn how to solve problems on their own. They might stop trying because they know their boss will just do it for them. This creates a weird dynamic where people feel disconnected and unheard. In the episode, host Desi Batista asked Rhonda what a team led by a rescuer looks like. Rhonda gave a simple, direct answer.

They're uh they're not empowered. Rhonda said

She went on to tell a story about her son's description of this kind of feeling. He compared it to the teacher in the old "Peanuts" cartoons, the one who just makes a "wah-wah-wah" sound. The team sees their leaders talking, but it feels like an echo chamber. Nothing is really connecting with them. They're just watching the show, not participating in it.

So, what does it feel like to be on a team with a "Ronnie Rescue" leader?

• They feel unheard. Their ideas and opinions don't seem to matter because the leader has already decided to fix it their way.
• They don't feel trusted. A rescuer boss sends a message that they don't trust their team to handle challenges or make the right decisions.
• They stop trying. Why put in the extra effort when the boss is just going to take over or redo your work anyway? They start doing the bare minimum.
• They feel unsafe. This whole situation damages what experts call psychological safety. People are afraid to make mistakes or speak up, so they just check out.

Rhonda explains that this lack of safety is a huge problem in business today. People are operating from a place of fear, always worried about the worst-case scenario. This fear shuts down their motivation and creativity.

The fear in the workplace today is off the charts. It's a psychological safety problem. That's what's causing the engagement to plummet. Rhonda said

So what can you do if you see a bit of "Ronnie Rescue" in yourself? Rhonda suggests a simple change in focus. Instead of making it all about you and your ability to fix things, turn the spotlight on your team. Truly see them, recognize their unique skills, and encourage them. Empowering them means believing they are smart enough to figure things out for themselves, even if they stumble along the way. That’s how real growth happens for everyone.

Trying to rescue your team doesn't make you a hero, it just robs them of the chance to be their own.

How does it feel to let go of the rescuer role?

Have you ever felt like you're carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders? It's that heavy feeling you get when you believe everything depends on you. If you don't do it, who will? It’s exhausting. But what does it feel like to finally put that weight down?

On the show, Desi asked Rhonda a really great question about this exact feeling. She wanted to know what happens in your body when you stop trying to fix everything for everyone.

What does it feel like in the body of a woman that starts moving from enabling to empowering? Desi said

Rhonda's answer was amazing. She said it's a "very liberating experience." Instead of feeling weighed down all the time, you start to feel relaxed and calm. She explains that trying to do everything for others, which she calls enabling, is completely different from actually helping them grow, which is empowering.

...enabling feels like um it's weight. Empowering is um so exhilarate, it's like an exhilaration charge watching somebody else. Rhonda said

Think about that for a second. One feels like a heavy backpack, and the other feels like an exciting rush. Instead of being drained by solving someone else’s problem, you get a charge from watching them solve it themselves. Rhonda shared that as a sales manager, this was one of her favorite feelings. She loved seeing her team members succeed on their own terms.

...nothing would light me up more than seeing people like blow out their numbers and go up and get the awards and and then go get promoted and stuff like that. Rhonda said

It wasn't about her making the sale for them. It was about seeing them win for themselves. She felt the same way watching her own kids grow and succeed. The joy comes from seeing other people realize their own abilities, not from doing it for them. When you constantly rescue people, you're telling them, "You can't do this without me." But when you step back and empower them, you're saying, "I believe you can do this." That change doesn't just make you feel lighter. It helps the other person feel more capable, too.

So, how can you start making this change from being an enabler to an empowerer? It can feel weird at first, especially if everyone is used to you jumping in. You can start with small steps. The next time you feel the urge to rescue someone, try one of these things instead:

• Ask them, "What are your first thoughts on how to handle this?"
• Encourage them by saying, "You're smart. I'm sure you can figure this out."
• Offer support instead of a solution. "Let me know how it goes. I'm here to cheer you on."
• Step back and give them the space to try, even if they might make a mistake.

Letting go of the rescuer role frees you from a huge burden. But even better, it gives the people in your life the gift of their own strength. You get to stop being the star of their show and become their biggest fan in the audience. And that feels pretty great.

Letting go of being the rescuer makes you feel lighter and helps others grow stronger.

Why do we pull back right before a breakthrough?

Have you ever been right on the edge of a big, good change and suddenly felt a strong urge to run back to the way things were? It’s a strange feeling. You’re trying to do something better for yourself, but your own mind and body seem to be fighting you, pulling you back to what’s familiar.

Rhonda says there’s a name for this feeling. It’s a very common thing that happens when we try to grow.

Yeah, I that's that's what's called the terror barrier because you have when you when you're doing moving to a different frequency of how you show up. Rhonda said

She explains it like tuning a radio. Imagine your old habits and way of thinking are on station 98.5 FM. That’s your comfort zone. Now, you’re trying to change and move up to a new station, like 102.5 FM. That spot between the stations is full of static and discomfort. Your brain, which loves routine, gets nervous and tries to yank you back to the old, clear station it knows.

That pull is the terror barrier. It feels awful. Rhonda says it's because the old you and the new you are trying to exist at the same time, and it doesn't feel right.

The reason you fall back into comfort is it's like you're mixing oil and vinegar because those two frequencies, they don't mix. Rhonda said

So, when you get close to a breakthrough, everything feels shaky. You might start second-guessing yourself. You might think, "This is too hard," or "Maybe the old way wasn't so bad." This is just your old programming trying to keep you safe in the way it knows how. It’s not a sign that you should quit. It's actually a sign that you’re on the right track and getting very close to something new.

So what can you do when you hit this wall of static? You can’t just wait for it to feel good. Rhonda says you have to push through it on purpose. It takes a choice, every single day, to keep tuning to that new frequency, even when it’s uncomfortable.

She explains it's a decision you have to make over and over again.

So you so it's the mental discipline and the daily decision to say, okay, yep, it feels uncomfortable. I'm gonna do it anyway. Rhonda said

Here are a few things that can help you get past that static:

• Know that the terror barrier is a real and normal part of changing.
• Have a goal that you really, really want. Your reason "why" has to be bigger than your fear.
• Make a daily choice to do the uncomfortable thing anyway.
• Remember that the discomfort won’t last forever. Once you break through, you'll be on a new, clear station.

It’s not easy, but the more you practice choosing the new way, the weaker the old habits get. Eventually, the new way becomes your new comfort zone.

Feeling uncomfortable when you're changing is a sign you're right on the edge of a breakthrough.

So many business owners are the bottleneck.

Have you ever thought, “If I want it done right, I just have to do it myself”? A lot of business owners feel this way. Even when their company is making good money, they find that every single decision still has to go through them. If this sounds like you, you’ve become the bottleneck.

Towards the end of the conversation, Desi brought up this exact problem. She asked Rhonda about successful business owners who are still in the middle of everything. Even with a great income, they can’t step away. Rhonda said that’s a clear sign that a person is stuck.

If their their identity's still in Ronnie, if they're trying to control it all. Yep, because they're controlling it. Rhonda said

When you feel the need to control everything, it’s usually coming from a place of fear. It means you haven’t quite learned to trust yourself or the people you’ve hired. Desi described the thoughts that run through a leader’s mind in this situation. They feel guilty when they step back and think, “they won't be able to do it as well as me.”

These leaders are afraid to let go because they worry that standards will drop. Desi pointed out another common fear they have about their business.

how do I know my clients, my customers, or my business is taking care of how I would take care of it? Desi said

This might feel like you're just being a good, responsible leader. But Rhonda explains that when you do things for people that they should be doing themselves, you’re not helping. You’re actually holding them back. You take away their chance to learn and feel good about their own work. Your team feels this, too. A team led by someone in rescue mode often feels:

• Micromanaged and not trusted.
• Like their ideas don't matter.
• That there is no real connection with their leader.
• Like they’re just listening to someone talk in an "echo chamber."

The opposite of this is creating a workplace built on trust. It starts with you, the leader. You have to trust yourself enough to let others do their jobs. It also means trusting your team to handle their responsibilities. According to Rhonda, this is where the best work happens.

when you're in true bliss and synergy, you have a high degree of trust in yourself. You have a high degree of trust in others that they're gonna do their thing, and you have no judgment. Rhonda said

If you see yourself in this, you can start to change it. Rhonda suggests taking quiet time each day to check in with yourself. Instead of just pushing forward, ask yourself: Am I running away from something out of fear? Or am I running toward something I truly love and believe in? Answering that question honestly is the first step to letting go of control.

Being the bottleneck in your business is a sign you're operating from fear, not strength.

Your worth isn't something you have to earn.

Have you ever felt like you're just not good enough? Like you have to keep working harder and harder just to prove you deserve to be where you are? It's a heavy feeling, and it can make you feel like you're always running a race you can't win. This feeling of guilt, especially when you try to rest or step back, comes from a really deep place. Desi asked Rhonda where that guilt comes from.

Rhonda’s answer gets right to the heart of the matter. It’s not about logic or what you’re doing wrong. It's about what you believe about yourself.

This is my message. If that's if that's you out there, whoever's listening, is you were made perfect in the image of God. There is nothing missing with you. Rhonda said

She says that feeling of not being enough, that constant guilt, is really about a worth issue. We feel like we have to earn our place or our value. But Rhonda says that’s based on a big misunderstanding. We’ve come to believe a story that just isn’t true.

The only thing is you bought into some idea that you should be rejecting... that you've accepted that you should be rejecting about yourself that that's a lie. Rhonda said

Think about it like this. You are not a broken project that needs fixing. Rhonda explains that our "spiritual DNA is completely perfect." There are no defects in any of us. The only problem is when we start believing we’re missing something. We get infected with what she calls "black knot disease." It’s like a fungus on a tree that squeezes it so tight that it can't circulate what it needs to live. That’s what the feeling of "not enough" does to us. It chokes our spirit and stops us from growing. We think we don't have enough money, enough time, enough talent. It's a story of "not enough" that we tell ourselves over and over.

So, how do you start to believe a different story? How do you let go of the lie? It starts with being honest with yourself and asking some very different questions. Instead of asking "What more do I need to do?" try asking these things instead:

• What is truly important to me right now, in this stage of my life?
• Am I running away from something, or am I running toward something I love?
• When was the last time I just showed up as my real self, without a mask?
• If my life ended tomorrow, would I have regrets about not living my own life?

Answering these questions can help you see where you're operating from. Are you living from a place of fear and lack, or are you living from a place of wholeness? It’s a choice you get to make every day. The more you choose to believe in your own built-in worth, the easier it becomes to let the real you come out.

I'll say it one more time to your listeners. You have no defects, that's just a bunch of BS that you're buying into, and it ain't true. Rhonda said

You are already whole and complete just as you are.

Listen to the full conversation

There is so much more to this conversation with Rhonda. She gets into how to know if your goals are real and what it takes to find the real you under all the expectations. Listen to the full episode to hear it all. You can find more from Rhonda Petit at rhondapetit.com and check out her book, 'The Spirit of Selling'.